What irritates me?
Amongst the plethora of people and situations that have managed to annoy me and have forced me to roll my eyes, I choose a few to return the kind favours to.
Yes, I get annoyed…
When I’m in the theatre watching a movie and you try to impress your wife by predicting every scene and dialogue to her. May I ask you a question? What is she doing in a movietheatre if she cannot see things for herself? Or, does she treat you as a pet? And by the way, what do you think you are? A great story-teller? Better than the director of the movie that you are watching? Leave all that foretelling and forecasting at home and let others watch the movie! Puhlease…
When you chew your food like a horse making enough noise for people around you to bestow on you a standing ovation and run away! I bet you, you will beat even Poonam Pandey when it comes to attention grabbing tactics…bows to you…
When you try to peep in to see what message I’ve been typing in my mobile phone. My Ghosh! Were you a part of the American paparazzi? And why do these techies invent new technological devices when they know there aren’t enough people to leave you alone with privacy??
I’m already late and there’s a queue of a million people for buses and taxis. Have all the companies conspired together to make us late for office? Can’t they have different timings so these vehicles can sustain the pressure and balance us passengers?
When I make a visit to the washroom after continuous hours of work only to find it full. I know ladies, your pretty faces keep us fresh in the busy, boring office life and we prefer to see your countenances more than our computer screens but we cannot, really, we just can’t afford it. Come on! Get a life outside the washroom.
You have cold? Oh really? That sound comes only when meteorites fall in Russia’s rivers or a Tsunami hits Japan. How do you even manage to produce it from your humble nose? Hello, there are better places to showcase your latent skills.
I come rushing to catch the rickshaw and the lady gets down so that I get myself squeezed in the middle? Excuse me, I do not have any problem sitting inside. In fact you will lose some 100 grams of calorie if I make you get down when my destination comes first. Let the monsoons come and I will be eager to see if you stick to this strategy! (We have auto rickshaws that lack doors and have manageable space for 3 passengers. People prefer sitting outside for reasons like space, ease of alighting.)
Hey lady, I know when I was buying a ticket for the Mumbai local train I was actually subscribing to a low-cost, unwanted body massage true acrobatic style, but do you realise that I am a human being and not a kickboxing bag! If you want to get down from the train, I have a pair of efficiently functioning ears which are, thankfully, still safe from your recurrent attempts of scraping my skin out of my frame. With your Jasmine hair oil meet salty sweat, the aroma has been tremendously un-pleasant. Now, allow me to take a breath!
You saw me coming out of a corporate bus tired and torn and you ask me the million dollar question, “you work here?” My answer to you is, “no, this bus is actually a museum cum spa I had gone to visit. Would you mind joining me the next time? It’s free of charge. And you can see how rejuvenated I feel.” Are you crazy? Can’t you see the Identity card hanging around my neck? You must be daring enough to ask me such a question!
You ask me why I never attend your phone calls. My phone is witness, I have been waiting for you to ask me this. Do you now have the heart to hear the answer?
Are you asking me for my comments on your looks? Promise me I’ll be spared if I tell the truth and I swear I’ll be honest. And that’s not going to be your fault, for everything looks yellow from a jaundiced eye and that eye belongs to me.
(Note: Take it with a pinch of salt ;))