Annoy me at your own risk… Part 1

What irritates me?

Amongst the plethora of people and situations that have managed to annoy me and have forced me to roll my eyes, I choose a few to return the kind favours to.

(photo credit: corbisimages.com)

Yes, I get annoyed…

When I’m in the theatre watching a movie and you try to impress your wife by predicting every scene and dialogue to her. May I ask you a question? What is she doing in a movietheatre if she cannot see things for herself? Or, does she treat you as a pet? And by the way, what do you think you are? A great story-teller? Better than the director of the movie that you are watching? Leave all that foretelling and forecasting at home and let others watch the movie! Puhlease…

When you chew your food like a horse making enough noise for people around you to bestow on you a standing ovation and run away! I bet you, you will beat even Poonam Pandey when it comes to attention grabbing tactics…bows to you…

When you try to peep in to see what message I’ve been typing in my mobile phone. My Ghosh! Were you a part of the American paparazzi? And why do these techies invent new technological devices when they know there aren’t enough people to leave you alone with privacy??

I’m already late and there’s a queue of a million people for buses and taxis. Have all the companies conspired together to make us late for office? Can’t they have different timings so these vehicles can sustain the pressure and balance us passengers?

When I make a visit to the washroom after continuous hours of work only to find it full. I know ladies, your pretty faces keep us fresh in the busy, boring office life and we prefer to see your countenances more than our computer screens but we cannot, really, we just can’t afford it. Come on! Get a life outside the washroom.

You have cold? Oh really? That sound comes only when meteorites fall in Russia’s rivers or a Tsunami hits Japan. How do you even manage to produce it from your humble nose? Hello, there are better places to showcase your latent skills.

An auto rickshaw. (photo credit: sbioak.com)

I come rushing to catch the rickshaw and the lady gets down so that I get myself squeezed in the middle? Excuse me, I do not have any problem sitting inside. In fact you will lose some 100 grams of calorie if I make you get down when my destination comes first. Let the monsoons come and I will be eager to see if you stick to this strategy! (We have auto rickshaws that lack doors and have manageable space for 3 passengers. People prefer sitting outside for reasons like space, ease of alighting.)

Mumbai Local Train (photo credit: know.burrp.com)

Hey lady, I know when I was buying a ticket for the Mumbai local train I was actually subscribing to a low-cost, unwanted body massage true acrobatic style, but do you realise that I am a human being and not a kickboxing bag! If you want to get down from the train, I have a pair of efficiently functioning ears which are, thankfully, still safe from your recurrent attempts of scraping my skin out of my frame. With your Jasmine hair oil meet salty sweat, the aroma has been tremendously un-pleasant. Now, allow me to take a breath!

You saw me coming out of a corporate bus tired and torn and you ask me the million dollar question, “you work here?” My answer to you is, “no, this bus is actually a museum cum spa I had gone to visit. Would you mind joining me the next time? It’s free of charge. And you can see how rejuvenated I feel.” Are you crazy? Can’t you see the Identity card hanging around my neck? You must be daring enough to ask me such a question!

You ask me why I never attend your phone calls. My phone is witness, I have been waiting for you to ask me this. Do you now have the heart to hear the answer?

Are you asking me for my comments on your looks? Promise me I’ll be spared if I tell the truth and I swear I’ll be honest. And that’s not going to be your fault, for everything looks yellow from a jaundiced eye and that eye belongs to me.

(Note: Take it with a pinch of salt ;))

Advertisements

I am a fan of this lady!

There is this lady who has been inspiring me all the time. I found her about a year ago on YouTube. I first saw her in a YouTube video and then couldn’t really resist watching the same video again and again until my eyes started watering (after staring at the computer for a long time). I searched for more videos of her on YouTube. My quest for the story of her life and journey was still not satiated. I googled her name with different search tags to find every bit of information about her.

I have a video to share with you but none of you will read this after watching that. You might open a new tab and type ‘youtube.com’.

For those who do not know, her name is Susan Boyle. She auditioned for Britain’s Got Talent in the year 2009 and became famous. Born in 1961, she has been living in Scotland. She never married so that she could take care of her mother. What has attracted me is not her being a renowned singer and a great artist but her triumph. Her triumph over age, her quality of looking at adversity in the face, making decisions defiantly and her undying spirit of optimism. Her success is the success of womanhood and the innocence of humanity.

In Susan Boyle, we have found an inspiration. You are alive until you die and so are your chances of victory. Age, appearance and circumstances are only temporary; never the same. Never lose hope! Never give up!

Now, the video. Every time I watch this, I’m filled with energy.

 

I’m sure you want to know more of her. Here’s a quick link,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_Boyle

Also check out her blog and know how far she has come,

http://www.susanboylemusic.com/gb/home/

I refuse to pay the bill…any attention!!

Image

As the Indian government passes the law for more stringent punishments for stalking, voyeurism and acid attacks on women, buzz sets in. Hopes and expectations have risen like bubbles of boiling water. Before these bubbles experience a fall and you think it was just gravity pulling these down, let me advise you what to expect.

What to Expect?

Good question. If you are being stalked by someone then you may register a complaint to your nearest police station.

What not to expect?

Great question! Well, you already know it. 😉 Do not expect the police to register your complaint.

For your information, it is now a punishable offence for police personnel not to register an FIR. We were in need of one such law on paper at least. Happy realization Indian Government!

Existing Bills:

Central Government Act Section 294(b) in The Indian Penal Code, 1860 (b), whoever sings, recites or utters any obscene song, ballad or words, in or near any public place, shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to three months, or with fine, or with both.

Section 509: Word, gesture or act intended to insult the modesty of a woman – whoever, intending to insult the modesty of any woman, utters any word, makes any sound or gesture, or exhibits any object, intending that such word or sound shall be heard, or that such gesture or object shall be seen, by such woman, or intrudes upon the privacy of such woman, shall be punished with simple imprisonment for a term which may extend to one year, or with fine, or with both.

My experience so far:

  1. Eve-Teasing: A guy, sorry, a boy, not even 15 years old, eve-teased me under section 294(b). My friend slapped the boy. The boy left. He came back with three more guys, this time adults. Before that argument became physical, I felt it was time we called the police. The police station was nearby. I warned the boys that I will take them to the police. I was stupefied at their agreement to this proposal. At the police station, the guys made a phone call. I guess they had the policemen talk to some politician because after the call the policemen started scolding us for getting involved with ruffians. They told us that our law always takes the side of the ‘minor’. The men in Khaki refused to register a complaint, and as a token of mercy they let ‘us’ free.
  2. Stalking: A few months back, I started getting calls from a mobile number. I handled it my way first. (Some abusive words, warnings of a police complaint, blah…blah) The stalker didn’t budge. Then I decided to ignore those calls. Calls started pouring in from a few more numbers. Finally, I lodged a complaint to the police.The police called back on the number I was getting calls from and asked me to change my number as a solution. I had to feel satisfied that they at least registered my complaint this time.
  3. Eve-teasing maybe: I had gone to register a complaint against a phone theft and one of the policemen started staring at me in a way I felt very uncomfortable. I looked back at him in order to make him realize that I knew what he was up to. He gave up, but I felt eve-teased in the police station by a policeman. Where could I register an FIR?

 

            Moral of the crap written above: the Bill is fit for the paper. (Add Only!)

Object always.
Object always.

What do I think?

     We can deal with eve-teasing, molestation and all such crimes together. By the way, we fought colonialism without a war. Non-cooperation movement, if your memories are withering. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-cooperation_movement) We may all raise our voice together, and I’m sure it will be heard. We have the right to object. We do not always have to co-operate with the society and the situation. Poor women of our country, they fight only with outsiders. In fact, some of them believe wrong is wrong only when it‘s known to people. Well, this is something that deserves a full-fledge discussion. For now, I have something else to say.
Do you know who gives birth to eve-teasers and molesters? A woman. Biologically. And for what I know, some women fail to prevent their boys from maturing into eve-teasers and molesters. Some women. I know many of them who stand by their boys irrespective of what they do. Whether it’s hitting another boy or hitting at girls. When boys fortunate enough to have a family become eve-teasers, their families share the crime. It is the crime of not imbibing in their kids respect for women. When a mother compares her son and daughter only on the basis of gender, she shares the crime.

     Of course, fathers too are equally responsible. If we cannot expect this from a woman, then there’s no point in blaming the other gender and the society. A mother should be a woman first, a mother second. When a family sends its son out of the house, it should at least make sure that its son is moral enough to resist the malice coming from bad peer group.

               You do not open the window when you know that the wind coming in could be dusty, do you?

War of words

India has 22 official languages and if we go by the number of speakers, then there are 26 most spoken languages in this country of 28 states, 7 Union territories, and a billion plus population (1.2bn).

And thus began the befuddling drama of a multi-lingual country. When south meets north, and mouths open dropping words, we know how close we are. (No sarcasm intended.) This intimacy is preserved amongst a plethora of cultural differences.

Indian Tamilians speak Tamil; if you speak Hindi and happen to meet the ones who know little of Hindi then, like me, you are lucky, for you will have a riot of laughter with them. When you hear them talking amongst themselves and happen to show your curiosity about their discussion and they tell you “chumma!” do not jump like a kid who just found a slingshot in his boring science class! Stay calm, for the chumma of Hindi that means a kiss is a Tamil cliché too, and it means ‘simply nothing’. Literally!

Courtesy: Wikipedia
Courtesy: Wikipedia

We have a delicious fast food of Marathi origin and we call it Paav Bhaaji. Paav in Hindi and Marathi means bun and is to be eaten with Bhaaji, an interesting preparation of almost all the vegetables accessible to you. Paanv which is pronounced much like ‘paav’ and means a leg in Hindi had my Tamil friend perplexed. She asked me why do we eat Leg Bhaaji?

My mind is so wowed by words with capability of meaning anything and everything that now, I let some imaginations free. Here it is, I have an impossible colleague who keeps peeping into my computer to check whether it’s work or Facebook that has kept me glued to it. Sometimes I feel like programming my computer to recognize his face and pop up a message saying Tu 13 Dekh!! Hindi words, Tu means you, 13 is actually tera meaning yours and dekh means look. So you look yours. In short, mind your own business! This guy, a Hindi speaker, goes to Madurai (a city of Tamil Nadu) for a vacation. One fine morning, his wife makes him realize how badly he needs a shave. He leaves his hotel room looking for a barber and naïvely asks the locals for a ‘Naai’ (Hindi for a barber). Upon finding one, he calls out aloud, “Naai“! Now, this should be followed by a good blow to his nose by the barber himself as ,‘Naai’, in Tamil means a dog.

Courtesy: bombpic.com
Courtesy: bombpic.com

I once had this colleague use my telephone; his never works. He returned the favour by smothering my telephone with wet finger prints. (That display of hand-art skill on my phone still pisses me off! L) That day, I and my friends found a befitting substitute for his name. ‘Oily Guy’ it is! 

So now, the Oily Guy, bruised and beaten, goes back to his hotel room only to find that his room is locked. This spurs his anger. He goes to the reception and yells, “Take off your kundhee and let me in, now!”

Wow! This Oily needs some real boiling-hot oil down his head! The poor guy isn’t aware that Kundee means bottom or derriere in Tamil!There are a few more words that I know. Eram of Urdu equals paradise whereas in Tamil it’s buffalo. Panni in Hindi is colloquial for a plastic bag but in Tamil, it’s a pig.

The above is hopefully just a prelude; I would be joyous if it becomes a full-fledged story devoid of any transparency of language(s). Let me learn more words and I will be back with some more insensible stories concocted. Or, we can do it together.

Adversity is your strength

I want to be like this tree, lush with leaves yet bowing with humility.
I want to be like this tree, lush with leaves yet bowing with humility.

There’s something beautiful about adversity. When you are in difficulties, you happen to stay humble and kind. You identify others’ difficulties, and that makes you God’s favourite.
Those who haven’t faced much of problems and challenges tend to mock at others, take pride in who they are and what they have achieved.

My failures have made me a better human being. In fact, it has helped me preserve the humanity I was born with.

Failure aids you in coping with other challenges in life. When it channelizes your attention to your interests, it encourages you to win and be more focused. You will have more epiphanies when you are in tricky situations.

Let others laugh at you. This will be one thing that you would never do to others. You would not give others what you have got from some really unkind people you have had to meet in your life. You would rather pass on this lesson of humanity and teach others not to do that to anyone.

When you are put into difficulties by God, He expects you to set an example of humanity by being human to humans.

If life has challenges for me, let me face them. If I win, I have taught others. If I lose,I have taught myself.

Happy Women’s Day

So the women of today! Here’s my tribute to all of you…

To all the ladies who are alive and those who waved goodbye from the womb,

To all those who grew up never above their brothers and those who were never allowed to,

To those who were never sent to school and those who are the pride of NASA,

To those who dared to fight when eve-teased and those who waited for the next time, 

To those who drained money to get married and those who endeavoured to drain social malice,

To those who were beaten by their God-personified husbands and those who obliterated enemies on the border,

To those who have succumbed to the atrocities of the world and those who are still battling,

It’s finally your day! Our day! Happy Women’s Day!

If you need statistics*:
(India, Year 2011)
8391 dowry deaths
42968 molested
35565 kidnapped and abducted
24206 raped
914 girl children per 1000 boy children

*And these figures account for only cases which were reported.