Kill and save

Who would have thought that I’d, after a long time, think of you in the morning and the rains would rush down on me (in) the evening?
Obviously it matters to everyone, the first rain.
But sorrow is our terrain, and it is by our honest laughter that it is claimed.
There is another story of you never showing up, but the rains filling you in. At times, I have wondered,
have my prayers always lost their way in my world of killings and war?
Prison guards stand before you, numb and shy.
Were you not a soldier?
Prisoners we are all. Prisoners we will remain while the moods we entertain, as we look up to the soldiers we’ve dreamed to be
in the remains of our freedom we once had.
And here I lie in wait that the sun will kill with its heat those who deserted us amid cries and sleeplessness.
But the rain comes with your thought and it is for us all.
Were you not a soldier who could kill and save?
When was your repertoire “save all”?
And there you sit with your head between your knees, and the prisoners before you stand, numb and shy.
And you ask, isn’t the sun too far and how does the rain feel?

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Madness of hers

Beyond the madness of the world is

the truest madness one can ever see

in this woman

who prays to God that he help her stop talking

to someone, she complains, who never talks back to her.

And then, God has a question– what makes her continue?

She says that in the bath, in the kitchen, and on the beach,

she talks to that someone whenever she is alone,

and there is never a response different from what she thinks it would be.

And God says, what ? Have you been talking in your mind?

She says, Yes.

The city we send our regards to

There’s a place somewhere in the land we live, where the city is mum

and

the waters scream

because there’s not enough light for all under the sun. 

So we send our regards to them and they get that

that’s all we can do and

that’s all they can get.

In that city, 

they hunt the rabbits for food and the kids for sport,

then the dogs bark and the people keep quiet. 

We send our regards to them and they

get that

that’s all we can send and

that’s all there is to give.

the rain drowned my 

Upon seeing the wilted grass in the arid garden, 

I would dream of the rain, and craft a paper-boat, hoping there’d be puddles. 

I was in love with the rain, its strangeness, 

its heavy fall on the rooftop,

the lamp post bearing it all like a head bowed under the shower, 

the wind swaying the rain, the rain roaring in the night. 

Now that the rain was here, my paper-boat had drowned, and I had neither the energy nor the courage to make one again. It was my first. There’s no second,

not one that is equal or greater.

Children of war

I

Two little kids sit on the debris, 

the girl looking at her brother’s bare back.

The hungry boy fumbles in the pile of remains. 

The sister digs her finger into the wound on his back. 

And the boy’s hand emerges out from the debris with a pencil that he thinks of handing to her to help her clean the wound. 

II

 You are going to wander

till you have found a way of loving yourself through it all

The journey is going to mislead you, disappoint you and what else? It’s also going to make you want it to end. 

But you must find a way to love yourself before it ends.